The Relationship Issue, Part 3

Who's got the Power?
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

I made the mistake of telling someone, a woman, one who says she is shy, one whom I do not know in person (you know who you are), that when it comes to the man/woman thing (relationships, dating, hooking up), that she has all the power. Not content merely to stick my foot in my mouth, I went further and counseled her to "use it for good," thus making it seem that I knew exactly what I was talking about.

Now, I think I'm right, or I wouldn't have said anything. I mean, if you leave out the serial rapist and the brutal numbskull, and include only normal guys who harbor the wish to love and be loved, and to do right, whether they are aware of this wish or not, within this group -- and I believe this is by far the largest group of males in the world, so large that a woman might go through her entire life meeting only this type of man -- you would find it safe to say that men have ceded control to women in matters of the heart. Personal experience and long observation make me pretty sure I am right about this. Someone's in charge of these matters, and it ain't the boys.

Sadly, though, The Power is is elusive and magical, and I don't have the authority to confer it on anyone. I feel now like the Wizard of Oz, the old fraud, caught behind the curtain, manipulating the levers and dials of a cheap illusion, and forced to admit that I am no more a wizard than you, or you. One thing I promise, though: I won't hand you a diploma or a pocket watch and try to con you with some kind of power-of-positive-thinking baloney, because we all know that no matter how positive we feel, sometimes the real world doesn't go along.

The Power I spoke of is not a force that is controllable -- you see a guy and you want him, so you turn on your Power and he is inexorably drawn to you, unable to resist. You wouldn't want that kind of power anyway. I have known women who wanted it, or thought they had it. Eventually they discovered that it didn't always work, which meant maybe it never had worked, and inevitably they became fixated on the man who did not respond to it, even if they didn't really want him. They would try more and more ploys, makeup and perfume until bitterness set in, and in their disappointment they would become cynical and unable to see the great guys all around who were naturally attracted to them, without any secret weapon having to be deployed. And yet...

And yet there is a power at work when we mate, whether for a night or a lifetime. I don't know what it is that makes one woman look different to me than the others, one laugh so infectious, one body in the crowd so irresistible. And maybe she doesn't, either, but when I fall under her influence I see her face everywhere, I smell her hair, I hear her voice and I long for her touch. Sometimes I feel like I am under a spell, delerious and bipolar. I'm up when she favors me, down when she looks away.

I'm sorry -- you can't use this Power to have any man you want. The Power doesn't work that way. Not only that, but there is no one Mister Right for you. That's the bad news. The good news is that there are millions of them. The Power probably lies in being receptive, but not passive. Give yourself a little credit, and go after what you want -- you may be surprised to find that he wants you, too. If he doesn't, please trust me on this, somebody does. And not just some low-grade slightly irregular second choice, but someone fully ready and able to rock your world. You'll have to take this from me on faith: Somebody does. Really.

He can't stop thinking about you. He wants to impress you. He's waiting for a sign from you, maybe a smile. He'll do anything you ask. And if you look at him with an open heart, he'll get cuter.