Personal
Here's an actual personal ad that I found. I'll give you the link to it later in this post:
Hate the media? Fuck me! - w4m
| Date: Mon Mar 21 21:26:55 2005 Hi. I'm a journalist. Or a reporter. Whatever word pisses you off more, I'm part of the mainstream media, the liberal media, the so-called liberal media. I am the epitome of all that is wrong with contemporary journalism. That is why I need you to fuck me until I feel as disgraced sexually as I do professionally. Look, I started my career with a great deal of optimism. I thought I was going to expose some hard truths. I thought I was going to tell stories that mattered to people. I thought I was going to write clever, piquant critiques of popular culture and politics that turned conventional wisdom on its head and opened new avenues of understanding and appreciating the world we live in. Maybe I did some of that in the years I've been slaving in the salt mines. But mostly, I've capitulated to The Man. Now, I want to capitulate to an actual man. There's some sort of odiousness in my professional life that will irritate you no matter what your political stripe. If you are Republican, I am indeed a liberal. There, I said it. I've left Republican voter quotes out of election stories because they were too infuriating; unless, that is, the quotes made the subject ridiculous and then I played them up. I've ignored your fucking women's clubs and your business "luncheons" (for fuck's sake, "lunch" will suffice!) and I would never deign to profile your pathetic loser hateful whitebread "Pioneers." I have a pitiful, wretched bias against asshole honkies like yourselves that manifests itself in small, ultimately meaningless ways since you never seem to realize the joke is on you. You are arrogant, deluded and selfish assholes, and if you'd act like a supercilious pig who hates poor people — oh, excuse me, government handouts — and non-WASPs while jamming me with your arrogant cock that'd be great. If you are a Democrat or progressive, there are reasons aplenty for you to hate me as well. I consistently toe the publisher's line; anytime there's an issue that a certain, moneyed sector of the community helps the publisher adopt as a cause of the publisher's own, I make sure all the coverage of said issue is superficial. Hey, I used to fight this, but after I nearly lost my lousy-paying shitty-benefits job because I told the truth about a community group with powerful vested interests, I decided the community would lose whether or not I caved. I don't file FOIA letters, either. You are right about people like me, and if you could lord it over me while fucking my brains out, that might just do the trick. If you don't hew to any political interests there's plenty to revile about my professional life which, sad to say, is the only life I seem to have. I capitalize Web site and Internet. I never use the passive voice. This is the longest thing I've written for publication in ages. I don't use a comma after the terminal "and" in a series. I rely on the press releases of boring and often insane community groups to develop stories around that you don't give a shit about, and I can't blame you for that! I'm better-looking than your average reporter — God knows it's goblins and gnomes all over the newsrooms of the world — so that isn't saying much. Mostly, I expect my half-assed way of getting my shit pulled together to fuel your aggressive, angry libido. I am everything that is wrong with the media, incarnated in human form. If you've ever said "Fuck the media," this is your chance. |
OK, so here are my questions:
- Smart, sexy broad or desperate skank?
- Serious reaching out or amusing hoax?
- Guys - Are you going to answer the ad? (The link is below.)
- Girls - Should I answer the ad?
- Is there any chance that liberals/progressives/Democrats will hate her enough to give her true satisfaction?
- Or will she hear only from Republicans?
- Who knows what FOIA means?
- Great opportunity or sad commentary on modern life?
posted by Larry Jones at 11:30 PM
15 Comments:
If you respond, looks like you'll be in for a night of kinky nookie.
I want details.
I'd probably just stay away.
FOIA is the Freedom of Information Act.
If she's as hot as Nancy Drew, go for it.
I vote yes, that Larry knows about FOIA. He likes to play possum.
And, yes, too, to Bonita Granville; I just wouldn't know whether I wanted to do her more when she was a juvenile or when she developed a figure. Maybe the latter, since I could more easily fantasize her consent.
Adreeyin - The only thing that's kinky about this is she seems to want to have something done to her out of anger or disgust. I have a feeling she'd get all "No, you're hurting me" if I tried the paddle on her.
T1 - Your teachers must love you! Actually, though, I'm not considering it, so I hope Brent will call her.
Goldie - The only reason I'd answer the ad is because it's clever, and I'd want to meet the author. Why would someone waste this much cleverness on such a thing?
Brent - Goldie said she knew before you.
Ron - You just barely recovered that time.
No, Larry, come on, the only reason you'd answer is because she said she wanted to be fucked. (huh? huh?)
SJ - I am hurt that you would think that about me, the gentlest, kindest, most intellectually inquisitive of all bloggers. (And I suppose you never did anything cheap and meaningless when you were touring with The Beatles.)
You probably stopped reading after "I need you to fuck me," right? She sounds kinda scary to me, but whatevah, it's your call, Lar.
So it ends with "maybe Brent will do it"... just like when I was a kid. I was exactly like that Mikey kid from the Life cereal commercial.
C'mon, Brent. Where's your sense of adventure?
I guess a "just barely recovered" is about like a "not very graceful" or stumbling over one's own tongue-tail-member. It was a "just barely funny", I guess. Sometimes I'm just too tired and "speak", anyway.
If you answer the ad, I think you'll become part of her next writing project. So, you better knock her socks off. :)
1. Smart, creative, desperate, self-depricating, needy, non-skank.
2. She hasn't decided yet.
4. Since I can't, and I'm curious as hell, someone's got to. You can be our surrogate. Just be careful.
5. No one will.
6. She'll hear from men who want to fuck someone who doesn't want to be treated well.
8. Amusing way to describe the hopeless shame that many people feel. I'm glad she wrote it if it's honest, but I feel sad for her.
I see you've been up to no good. Me, I've been an absolute angel. I think she is psycho (unlike me, of course). Don't do it.
Hey. I'm a friend of this chick. She got a bit of a laugh out of it, to tell the truth, and learned that if she's going to solicit for free aggressive sex she's going to hear from some incredibly scary guys.
1) She's smart, she's very cute.
2) A little bit of both.
3) Over 400 did. She read me some of the more appalling ones.
4) You may be a little late.
5/6) Both political parties are laden with men who like to spank, dominate and generally treat women like shit. Not like she hasn't known that for a few years ... but she did say it was the Republicans exclusively that mentioned their wives.
7) Freedom of Information Act. Your state's laws may vary, but there is a Federal version.
8) The saddest commentary were the responses. I wouldn't look to her to publish them anywhere — she's pretty nervous about putting herself in a position where she could lose her job or, worse, have her sexuality (even if it ain't, in the case of the post) used against her.
But in any case, trust me. She's quite the looker, insanely intelligent and could use some neurosis or desperation in her life to make her like us normal people.
Now I've got to tell her that I found this blog.
Anonymous - Thanks for filling in the details. I was leaning toward "amusing hoax," and I did not dare to imagine who might have actually written the ad. What I did imagine was that if she ever found this blog she would be angry that I used her writing verbatim. I actually considered asking for permission, but, hey, I'm a blogger, the only type of writer more reprehensible than a journalist. If she reveals herself, I will gladly forward all the awards and cash I earned from using her ad. Anyway, I'm still fascinated by anyone who could think up this idea, and write it so convincingly. Give her a smack on the butt for me, in a friendly, non-S&M way, OK?
PS: This is not my sneaky way of answering the ad.
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