Tappin' It Out
I love this blogging thing! It's almost exactly like writing.
If I were a real writer, I mean like a professional writer, a guy who actually got paid for, you know, writing, I think it would be a lot like this. You sit down at the computer - I'd use a computer because that whole typewriter thing, while it looks cool in the movies, you have to keep ripping out the paper with the crappy false starts on it and crumpling it up and throwing it away in disgust, missing the waste basket at least half the time, plus you have to use whiteout. Have you ever used whiteout? As The Oldest Blogger, it's possible that I have more experience with whiteout than all of you combined. Oh, sure, it's got a kick. I've seen the antelope-sized jackrabbits galloping alongside my car on the freeway. But it will give you a righteous headache, too, and it takes like five years to develop enough skill to use it and not make a big, soft lump of whiteout on your page, a wet mass of paste that will not dry anytime soon. You might as well rip that page out and toss it at the waste basket, because you will never be able to type over that goo-covered mistake. Plus, the high is not worth the headache.
So I'd use a computer.
Where was I? I'd sit down at the computer and start my professional writing. I'd have a beginning, a middle and an end, every time I sat down. Or at least I'd want to. And here's another way that blogging is like writing: Writer's block. Only you don't get writer's block. That's for the writers. What you get is Blogger's Block. You think you're going to have a beginning, a middle and an end, but maybe you don't have an end, or a middle. Maybe right now you're like me, and you don't have shit.
Don't worry! This is Blogger's Block. It's not a bad thing. It is the proof that you're a blogger! If the blogosphere gives you lemons - say it with me now - you make lemon-fucking-ade!
Welcome to Blogger's Block. That extremely brief moment when you have nothing to say. Work through it. Chances are, your "readers" won't even notice if you fill the screen with meaningless nonsense. I know that when I'm a reader, all my bloggin' buddies get the full benefit of all my doubts. Was that a stupid, thoughtless remark? Of course not. Facts a little, ah, wrong? Nah - just a matter of interpretation. Was that a conclusion she just jumped to? Couldn't be - she's too smart. See how that works? Blog through your block, and you can't go wrong.
Hey, and how about readers? Writers have readers. Well, so do bloggers. Bloggers have technical ways to check up on their readers, too, find out if they are being loyal. So I guess that's a little different than it would be for a writer. A writer would go to bookstores and read his book out loud to a bunch of readers, and then he'd take his pick of the nubile coeds who had attended his reading. Bloggers don't get out as much, but they do have stats. And they make up for being just a little withdrawn at times by being in the forefront of a new medium. Bloggers are in the vanguard, so they're cool, and you can take that to the bank.
I wish I had a gray wool houndstooth sport coat with leather patches on the elbows. That would be something a writer would have. But that's another post.
If I were a real writer, I mean like a professional writer, a guy who actually got paid for, you know, writing, I think it would be a lot like this. You sit down at the computer - I'd use a computer because that whole typewriter thing, while it looks cool in the movies, you have to keep ripping out the paper with the crappy false starts on it and crumpling it up and throwing it away in disgust, missing the waste basket at least half the time, plus you have to use whiteout. Have you ever used whiteout? As The Oldest Blogger, it's possible that I have more experience with whiteout than all of you combined. Oh, sure, it's got a kick. I've seen the antelope-sized jackrabbits galloping alongside my car on the freeway. But it will give you a righteous headache, too, and it takes like five years to develop enough skill to use it and not make a big, soft lump of whiteout on your page, a wet mass of paste that will not dry anytime soon. You might as well rip that page out and toss it at the waste basket, because you will never be able to type over that goo-covered mistake. Plus, the high is not worth the headache.
So I'd use a computer.
Where was I? I'd sit down at the computer and start my professional writing. I'd have a beginning, a middle and an end, every time I sat down. Or at least I'd want to. And here's another way that blogging is like writing: Writer's block. Only you don't get writer's block. That's for the writers. What you get is Blogger's Block. You think you're going to have a beginning, a middle and an end, but maybe you don't have an end, or a middle. Maybe right now you're like me, and you don't have shit.
Don't worry! This is Blogger's Block. It's not a bad thing. It is the proof that you're a blogger! If the blogosphere gives you lemons - say it with me now - you make lemon-fucking-ade!
Welcome to Blogger's Block. That extremely brief moment when you have nothing to say. Work through it. Chances are, your "readers" won't even notice if you fill the screen with meaningless nonsense. I know that when I'm a reader, all my bloggin' buddies get the full benefit of all my doubts. Was that a stupid, thoughtless remark? Of course not. Facts a little, ah, wrong? Nah - just a matter of interpretation. Was that a conclusion she just jumped to? Couldn't be - she's too smart. See how that works? Blog through your block, and you can't go wrong.
Hey, and how about readers? Writers have readers. Well, so do bloggers. Bloggers have technical ways to check up on their readers, too, find out if they are being loyal. So I guess that's a little different than it would be for a writer. A writer would go to bookstores and read his book out loud to a bunch of readers, and then he'd take his pick of the nubile coeds who had attended his reading. Bloggers don't get out as much, but they do have stats. And they make up for being just a little withdrawn at times by being in the forefront of a new medium. Bloggers are in the vanguard, so they're cool, and you can take that to the bank.
I wish I had a gray wool houndstooth sport coat with leather patches on the elbows. That would be something a writer would have. But that's another post.
posted by Larry Jones at 11:33 PM
9 Comments:
That's some tasty lemon-fucking-ade!
Theresa - Pucker up, baby.
T1 - Damn! Now I have to make my nonsense more meaningful.
I just learned that Shelby Foote (the famed history writer who just died) wrote all his books longhand, with dipped ink pen, no less! Probably sent him to an early grave...
I'll have a toast of brandy to that, after I sniff me a bit of whiteout.
and a pipe . . .whast you choose to put in it . . . now that's another post.
Steph - It was probably the auto racing that killed him.
G.D. - One good thing about whiteout - nobody looks at you funny when you buy 50 bottles of it, like they do with glue.
Angie - Different pipes for different nights.
And suddenly, after reading the post, Aydreeyin felt a euphoria dissipating through him and around him, as he thought, "Blogger's Block...Yeah...Of course..."
And yes, Larry, you still have to take your meds. Don't worry. All the cool kids are doin' it!
Adreeyin - Can the meds be smoked?
I wish I had one of my old typewriters, especially the old Underwood. It was a fine machine. Not that I'd write posts or any long-format stuff with it, but I did love those old beauties at the time. My last typewriter, a Smith-Corona, was the only electric one I ever owned, and it was great until I discovered computers. I had been writing short stories at that time and thus well-positioned to understand the work-saving involved in being able to mark a block and past it elsewhere or mark a block and delete it! What joy! I had been literally using scissors and glue and tape to create those effects without undue typing and I DO NOT LOOK BACK with longing on those days.
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